Sunday, December 6, 2009
There's Still That Kid. Somewhere.
Today I went to the Children's Museum with my brother, his wife, and their kids. I honestly can't remember the last time I went. I was quite probably a child, actually. Luckily, though, it's an interesting place for everyone, not just people under the age of twelve. And after a lot of thinking, and also some other previous thoughts, I've decided it's because we're all still partly kids somewhere deep down inside. Some people have a more dominant kid, but most of us never really grow out of that desire to see and think about things from a child's perspective, a child's heart. I remember when school was so much fun. I remember when I loved to think and figure things out. I remember when I loved, loved to learn. Well, I'm still that way. I just forget it sometimes. I think I really forgot that this semester. So many teachers aren't interested in teaching us how to learn. They seem to interested in teaching us how to produce a certain answer. I think the most important thing you can ever learn is how to learn. That's why I want to be a teacher. Not very many people know that I realllly want to be a teacher. When you can expand somebody's brain, it's one of the coolest things ever. That's another thing about teachers. So many of them aren't interested in expanding students' brains. It's common to try to create cookie-cutter brains. "This is how you should think. This is what you should do. This is what you shouldn't do. This is where you should go. This and that and this and that. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." You know, I don't care much about engineering, to be truthful... But I still love learning, when I try to learn. For a lot of the time since this September, I wasn't focused on learning and thinking and growing. I've been focused on surviving. I hate "surviving." I love living. Have you ever noticed just how ALIVE children are? This is why I like to think that somewhere inside I'm still that kid that I was just a short while ago. The older people get, the more they tend to die. Money gets tight, and a little bit of you inside starts to die. Parents misunderstand you, and a little bit of you inside starts to die. You don't meet expectations, so you end up disappointing other people and even yourself, so a little bit of you inside starts to die. We're always dying. Why can't we just live? Maybe because... It hurts. It's hard. But it's still what I want. It's worth it. When living is fun, when your heart and soul and spirit are thriving and healthy... That's when life seems right. Some of the most wonderful times are those times when I feel like my flesh is here simply BECAUSE my soul is. Then, those times when my body is just dragging my soul around because it has to... those are the times that hurt. And of course there are always both. This is just how life works. Ups and downs of course. But I want my soul to be more alive than my body. I think that's how people start out. I think that's the very alive part that I see in children. Their bodies are so filled with life because their souls are so filled with life. I feel like I must clarify though. There's a big, big difference in being "childlike" and being "childish." Childlike is a much more positive term. Childish seems more to me like the characteristics of being selfish and stubborn. Undesireable traits. Immaturity, inconsideration, outbursts of temper, etc. But childlike... Childlike is more along the lines of simplistic. Spontaneous. Ideal. Good. Pure. Hopeful. Healthy. Heartwarming. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, so I guess my point is that going to the museum today reminded me of how fun it was to be a child. How fun and wonderful thinking and learning can be. Life and learning don't have to be chores and drills. It's so much more. It's my goal to re-learn how to live life like a child. Because I know for certain there's still that kid. Somewhere. Somewhere in my heart. Longing to be restored. Somewhere.