Sunday, September 13, 2009

I wish I could quit.

You're not going to approve of this post. But... it's very much how I feel right now.

I hate school. I'm not a good student. I don't belong in college...
I know I'm smart. And do I enjoy learning. But there are also many other ways to learn. I can't do this the way most people do.
Homework doesn't work for me. I had an assignment due last week that I didn't finish. I have one due tomorrow that I don't possibly have time to finish. I had one due this morning that I didn't know was due this morning, which obviously means I didn't finish it. And these are all for the same class.
Tests don't really work for me. You usually have to do homework and/or studying to do well on tests. I think I've established that I don't really do either...
I'm ready to give up. I don't even feel that accomplished when I get good grades. But when I don't get good grades I feel like such a failure. I don't even have to fail to feel like a failure. Just getting a B is bad enough.
It's like a lose-lose situation. Nothing about going to class and getting judged on my performance makes me feel good. Ever.
And I just wish I could quit.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Disgusting reasons to not go to the Kroger down the road, especially after dark, not that daylight actually helps any... but still:

1. The Mexican guy who stared me up and down with a nasty and embarrassing (for me, that is) grin/snarl on his face. I almost threw up.
2. The. Freaking. ROACH! in the bathroom. I almost threw up.

That's really all I need. Honestly. Actually, just the second one is the only reason I need. Roaches are the nastiest things in existence. I think proof can be found in the fact that Lysol, which is intended to extinguish germs, kills roaches almost instantaneously. They're like giant, visible, creepy, crawly, naaaaaassssty germs. GAAAGGGGGGG!

Monday, September 7, 2009

People Person?

If you're reading this, you probably already know what I'm about to say... But I'll say it anyway.

I'm very much a people person. I mean, sometimes I really do like my alone time or quiet time, but mostly when I'm with people, I'm happy. Happier than when I'm doing homework. Happier than when I'm reading. Happier than when I'm studying. Basically my point is that I'm better at being a people person than I am at being a student. I'm really pretty much a terrible student, actually. Sure, I'm relatively smart, but that doesn't automatically make you a good student. Ask the guy in my graduating class who got the highest SAT score but wasn't even in the top ten percent.

Sometimes I wish I was an outstanding student. The one who always does all their work to the very best of their abilities ahead of time. Re-reads and re-writes. Studies for every quiz and exam. But I just can't bring myself to the conclusion that I'm that kind of person. Now, there are times I work hard and times I study, but unfortunately academics aren't my main focus when I'm at school. People are.

Friday I was asked what some of my goals in life are, and my automatic response was to impact the people around me. That somehow my outlook on life will effect others'. I hadn't even thought intentionally about it; simply said what came straight from my heart.

I have a passion for people, but sometimes I worry if it gets in the way of the balance I should have in my life and priorities. I definitely think it can be balanced. I just don't know if I've found that balance yet.