Monday, May 18, 2009


I don't miss it. Actually, I do... I miss what it used to be to me. But it could never be now what it was before I left. I don't really know why. I've changed. Crosby's changed. It's not my home anymore. Do I even have a "home" anymore? I feel like I don't. My life is at school. School is over. My family is scattered. My dad is in Indiana. My mom is in Beaumont. Well, til the beginning of next month. Then she's leaving too. My summer is in Alabama. My heart... I don't really even know where it is anymore. I guess it's hiding, waiting. I don't know what it's waiting for, but I think I'm ready to find out. This year has been pretty lame... Mr. Bird even said so. I've met a few people. I've gone a few places. I've done a few things. But nothing very big. Nothing life changing. Nothing really momentous. I'm ready for a life-defining moment. Something HUGE. I want a story to tell.


Psychoanalyze Yourself:
Don't read ahead, just copy and paste the following into a new bulletin before you read my answers. Then answer the following questions one at a time without looking ahead with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read what each answer means at the end.

1. You are walking in the woods. Who is walking with you?
I'm alone.

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
wild cat

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
we stare at each other

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream home, how big is it?
just big enough

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
lol - no way

6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining table. What's there?
crystal glasses and white dishes at each seat with flowers and candles in the middle

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground; what kind is it?
one of my crystal glasses from the house

8. What do you do with the cup?
carry it back inside to the sink

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at a body of water, what is it?
a clear stream flowing over rocks and sand

10. How do you cross that body of water?
I walk across the rocks.

1. The person with whom you are walking in the woods is the most important to you.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your relationships.

10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.

Friday, May 15, 2009

And So it Ends (And it begins)

Finally. It's over. My freshman year of college has officially been completed. Although it's been challenging, I gotta say, I've absolutely loved it. So many things I've learned. Calculus is not fun. Physics still is. I picked the right major, thank the Lord. I don't want to change it like SO many students do. I know myself pretty well, but I'm always changing and growing. Commuting is not fun. But Dr. Little IS... despite how hard he tries to intimidate the world. I may hate "The Human Situation" but it still managed to become one of my favorite classes. Laughing during every single one of our gatherings probably has something to do with that. The library actually does help me study. School is a lot more fun when I study. Or at least do my homework. I don't enjoy taking tests over things I don't understand. College kids are pretty notorious for all-nighters. I don't like them. I like to sleep. A lot. All the time. It makes life (and school) better. I need support and encouragement even though I always try to take care of myself. Pictures = therapy. Experience is the best teacher there is. Procrastination really isn't as much fun as I used to believe it is. Life is hard, but it's worth it. Teachers usually know more things better than I do. Yet this is NOT an absolute truth. My education is my responsibility, and I don't need to rely on professors to spoonfeed it to me. They usually won't. It is extremely nice though when I find one of those teachers who really and truly cares. They're rare. They're amazing. Maybe they're amazing because they're rare. What difference does something make that EVERYONE has? No, no. It's those unique moments in life that really matter. I don't know if this blog really makes sense. I'm tired. It's been a long day. And it's been an even longer week. But this is what I've been thinking about since realizing I'm done. It suddenly hit me today when I was well over halfway to my house. I'd finished all of my finals, all homework, all essays, my application, and even moving out. And I was going home. I almost stopped driving when the shock, excitement, fear, anxiety, happiness, etc. all overwhelmed me. I'm finished. I'm done. I did it. It's over. I have successfully transitioned into a college kid. I can't express how much I love new beginnings. Now that this first year is past, I have new beginnings right ahead of me. And I am so excited! As a certain singer whom I shall not name would say, I'm at the starting line of the rest of my life, as ready as I've ever been. Life is flying along so fast. We know how that is. Sometimes it's crazy down and I just want to curl up and pretend I don't exist for a little while, but I love the ride I'm on right now. I have so many opportunities at hand. So much to look forward to. So much to look back on. And so much to just relish right now. I feel perfect today.
I didn't get straight As this semester. I didn't get straight As last semester. I know I've improved though. I done so much hard work though - both in subjects I like and subjects I hate. It makes me fairly proud that I can find motivation in either case. This feeling is hopefully something I'll never forget. Working towards this particular achievement is something I can handle. Working until I feel like I've worked. The work isn't really that much fun, but the results are addictive to me. Maybe this will REALLY sink in... like enough to motivate me into better time management and less procrastination and/or apathy. We'll have to see on that one. :-)
So anyway, this is almost pure exhaustion talking, but I just realllllly wanted to capture how I feel today. It's been such a gloriously happy day... since noon. The morning was pretty great, but it was a bit stressful. All the work I did this morning is what made this afternoon so amazing though, so it was worth it. I can hardly believe I'm finally done.

P.S. I cannot wait to see Lisa. She isn't done yet. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I love ya tomorrow.