Sunday, November 8, 2009

listen up

How many times have I written about wanting to give up? I don't know, but I can positively tell you that it hasn't been even a tenth of the times I've contemplated and longed to give up. School gets hard, life gets frustrating, and I simply want to give up. So today I started wondering why this is my default.
Why do I desire to give up when circumstances seem stronger than me? How amazing would it be if I had a yearning to be stronger, to work harder, to do that much
more, rather than trying to do less? Trials and struggles are a calling to grow, not to shrink. It isn't my place to run from difficulties. It isn't my place to present myself as a weaker being when I'm frustrated or under pressure. It's my job to push back at my circumstances.
When a surface has a large weight on it and that weight increases, the surface is intended to increase its reactionary force. The earth's normal force increases when jump up and down instead of just standing. When I stomp my feet and try to break through the surface of the earth, it just meets my force with a force of its own that's just as strong. The earth is stronger than me. It's supposed to be. In the same manner, I'm SUPPOSED to be stronger than the pressures surrounding me. Not only am I
supposed to be that way, I actually am.


And I don't have to cave under the situations that make me want to crawl into bed and stay there until everything's better. That wouldn't even make everything better anyway.Things have a tendency to get worse when left alone. To think that I could run away from life with hopes that it would improve is utterly ridiculous. That wouldn't happen. Things would only get worse. But I don't have to hide away and leave life to take care of itself, because I'm bigger than I often let myself believe.
I'm bigger, because I trust in God. I'm bigger because God is bigger. I'm stronger, because God is stronger, and His strength lives in me. And I think He's trying to get me to see this. I've heard three lessons today about trusting God. Three. Today. The first was the sermon this morning in church. It was about going through painful times, and still trusting God. That even when life and circumstances hurt, God has a plan for us and works all things together for His name.
The second was in Sunday school when we talked about anxiety, which is failing to trust God in times when we aren't even sure if we can take care of ourselves. Anxiety is trying to take things out of God's hands and control them on our own. Clearly, this is a bad decision. God has so much more power than I do. Why would I ever hope to do anything better than He could do it? Many people say that it's because we think God is too small. I think those people are wrong.
Personally, I get stressed out when I think God is too big. When I think
I'm too small for such a big God to care about the things that feel overwhelming to me. My problems aren't too big for God. God is too big for my problems. My problems are definitely big enough for me to worry about. But God? Maybe they're not big enough for Him.
When I feel like my world would fall apart if my problems weren't resolved in the way I expect, that's when I get worried. God's world wouldn't fall apart. Mine would. Why should He be concerned about them?
Why? Because He loves me. What matters to me matters to him. And right now, it matters to me that I'm an engineering student. It also matters to me that I don't really know why I'm here. It matters to me that I'm wondering about my future and my purpose.
Here's the thing, though: if God
IS my world, my world can't fall apart. No matter what I'm going through. When God is my everything, I have no reason to doubt. I have no reason to be afraid. All I can be is grateful. And that's what the third lesson was about today - a grateful heart.
Being grateful is when I've trusted that God has provided me with what I truly need. Appreciating what I have. Believing that my past and present are good enough and just what He knows is best for me. Being grateful for both the circumstances and the provisions.
I'm not sure how all of this really fits together, but I do know God is moving through it. God is speaking to me, teaching me, and it's time for me to listen up. I know I have a reason here. I know He has a purpose for me. And I am certain that HE is strong enough to make ME strong enough.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's the spirit, don't let those hard times get you down too much. Remember, the night is always darkest before the dawn.