Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Struggle and Strength.
I'm so mad at myself! I'm behind again... I have worked all semester to improve as a student. I really want to be a good student. REALLY. And I have improved... Some... I can see ways that I've improved. But it's such a constant struggle to not just settle back down into my usual procrastination and apathy. It wouldn't be fair to do that though. I've worked too hard, I've changed too much, I've come too far to ruin everything at the end of the semester. It's not an option. Classes are almost over, and finals are in less than a month. I refuse to let myself fail by giving up. I'm so tired, but I know how close I am to finishing this semester. I'm so tired, but I cannot, cannot, cannot quit now. I feel like there's not enough time to get everything done that I need to get done by the end of the semester. But I also feel like there's too much time for me to make it all the way. At the same time I wish I had more time and I wish I had less. I wish there was more time so that I could be ready for finals. But I wish there was less time so that I could just rest. However... Neither of those are possible. I have the time that I have. Including today I have 7 days until my next and last (not counting the final) PDE exam. I have 10 days until everything for Technical Communications needs to be finished. The stuff for tech comm includes writing an entire proposal, creating a poster demonstrating my project, making a presentation on that project, evaluating two presentations, writing two response journals, re-writing my description of a mechanism, and writing a semester evaluation paper. I have 18 days until my last physics II exam. I have 19 days until Mothers' Day. I have 20 days until my Dynamics final. I have 23 days until my Thermo final. And I don't even know when my PDE final is. So close to the end. So much to do. I can't tell whether this is encouraging or discouraging. I'll just decide that it's encouraging. I know I'll be fine. Maybe I have a lot to do, but I also have the determination to actually do it. I'll just decide that I'm going to finish strong. So, in fact, I am going to finish strong.