Struggle and Strength.

I'm so mad at myself! I'm behind again... I have worked all semester to improve as a student. I really want to be a good student. REALLY. And I have improved... Some... I can see ways that I've improved. But it's such a constant struggle to not just settle back down into my usual procrastination and apathy. It wouldn't be fair to do that though. I've worked too hard, I've changed too much, I've come too far to ruin everything at the end of the semester. It's not an option. Classes are almost over, and finals are in less than a month. I refuse to let myself fail by giving up. I'm so tired, but I know how close I am to finishing this semester. I'm so tired, but I cannot, cannot, cannot quit now. I feel like there's not enough time to get everything done that I need to get done by the end of the semester. But I also feel like there's too much time for me to make it all the way. At the same time I wish I had more time and I wish I had less. I wish there was more time so that I could be ready for finals. But I wish there was less time so that I could just rest. However... Neither of those are possible. I have the time that I have. Including today I have 7 days until my next and last (not counting the final) PDE exam. I have 10 days until everything for Technical Communications needs to be finished. The stuff for tech comm includes writing an entire proposal, creating a poster demonstrating my project, making a presentation on that project, evaluating two presentations, writing two response journals, re-writing my description of a mechanism, and writing a semester evaluation paper. I have 18 days until my last physics II exam. I have 19 days until Mothers' Day. I have 20 days until my Dynamics final. I have 23 days until my Thermo final. And I don't even know when my PDE final is. So close to the end. So much to do. I can't tell whether this is encouraging or discouraging. I'll just decide that it's encouraging. I know I'll be fine. Maybe I have a lot to do, but I also have the determination to actually do it. I'll just decide that I'm going to finish strong. So, in fact, I am going to finish strong.

Just so you know.

If school wasn't so hard, it'd be a LOT easier.

Library Part II

I don't know if anyone was studying in the library yesterday or not, but if you were, there's a chance that you may have heard a really annoying buzzing sound. For those of you who didn't hear it, there was, in fact, a VERY annoying buzzzzz resounding through the library. It was seriously distracting me, so I went downstairs to find out what it was. I asked the people at one of the front desks, "What's that buzzing...?"
"It's broken," was the snapped response from one of the KIND girls working.

Jee, thanks. THAT didn't answer my question...

"Okay, but what is it? I'm just curious."
"It's the fire alarm. It's broken. Learn to live with it."

Wow. She sure was friendly.
Too bad I didn't have my laptop or an ipod. Otherwise I would have been blissfully drowning out the broken. Oh, wait, I mean the fire alarm.

The Public Library

It's a great place. Very convenient and useful for lots of things. I like to study here. I like to sleep here. I like to work on group projects here. I like to listen to music here. I like to do homework here. I like talk to my friends here. There are numerous things I like to do here. Personally, making out is not one of the things I like to do here. However... There are currently at least two people on the third floor of the UH main library that obviously feel differently than I do. Apparently this is a place for making out. Nice to know.

Over the past year, my life has changed drastically. I'm sure most of ours have. However, there's been a disturbing trend that has developed, which was painfully brought to my attention this evening. Maybe I can get to the point where I can fix the issue, but I think it'll take a lot of effort.
So here's the thing...
I get burnt... A lot. Physically burnt. Tonight I realized that I get burnt almost every single time I cook, so maybe I just get burnt more simply because I cook more. I like cooking though, so hopefully I'll get used to the heat being hot. We'll see.

P.S. I hope you can imagine my tone of voice for this. If you can, it should have been really funny. That was my intent.

Spring Semester 2010

I haven't written a blog in so long. It seem that it's hard for me to write about everyday life, but I feel like that's what blogging should be like. Just a way for me to keep track of my life, whether it's super duper exciting or not. I'm actually in a really exciting time of life right now. I'm applying for jobs and internships, waiting to see if I get to work for NASA next year, praying that I do. Etc.
This semester, engineering finally feels worth it. The first two years I've mostly just hated it. It's stressful, and it's hard, but there really is a point. I mean, there always has been a point, it's just been for somewhere along down the road that I couldn't really see. Now it's starting to come into focus. I can see why I picked a "real" major, and why I haven't given up yet. I'm not sure if this is all gonna be like I imagined it or not, but that's why I'm trying it. I have to try, and I have to find out. I have to chase my dreams no matter how hard it is. If it doesn't work out, I have a lot of other dreams that I can still chase. This one first. I just don't think I'd be able to respect myself as much if I didn't go for it.
I think it's a noble thing to chase your dreams, to follow your heart. I know that I'm doing this for a reason. I know that my life is going to be amazing, even if it's hard or even if it's just everyday life. That's why I'm writing today. Because everyday life is still amazing, still worth capturing.

So. I have this issue with blogging.

I started a blog so that I could take the things that run through my head and get them out. I have a lot of interesting thoughts that consume a lot of my time. I wouldn't be thinking about things if they weren't interesting. I figured that when I get a blog, I'd be writing all the time, because I'm thinking all the time. My thoughts can entertain me endlessly. I don't get lonely, because I can just let my brain wander, and it occupies me. I come up with great blog ideas all the time. Really, I do. But I don't blog much at all. So I started thinking about this and I realized that (for the most part) it's because I like to keep what I think to myself. Don't get me wrong; I really enjoy talking to people, but I'm not exactly a big fan of taking what I think and sharing it with just anybody who has access to the world wide web and the skills to find my blog. The problem, I think, is feedback. When people just read my blog (and don't comment) I have absolutely no idea what they think about me or what I have to say. I don't mind sharing my thoughts with somebody in person who asks what I'm thinking about and will listen and respond. I'll tell pretty much anyone pretty much anything as long as I feel like they're interested. With blogging, though, I have no idea who is interested in what, so I don't really like sharing. Even as I write this, I keep thinking about just discarding it and keeping these thoughts to myself too. But I won't. Obviously. Or you wouldn't have read this far.

I think that's all... I just find it odd.
And now I want to take a nap even though it's only about noon and I slept well over 8 hours last night...